I love my anonymous blog.... so good for getting stuff out... my little corner to work through the hard things in life.
Only I wish some of the things I say as I work through them could help someone else... and I can't do that as long as this little corner of the blogsphere is mine.
I've been being touched over the past week that one day probably in the nearish future I'll need to make this public. When it comes time, I will want to too. I will be ready, or as ready as one can be beforehand, to face the criticism and snide remarks I know will come.
Someday it will be time to take my mask off and let someone see the scars. Someday it will be time to take breaking through the stain glass masquerade to the next level. Someday it will be time to step out from behind the curtain and meet the crowd with a smile whether they cheer or boo.
And that someday will be soon I feel. God's been touching me that if I'm going to talk, then this message needs to be out there where others can easily find it. So here goes! All out as nice and professional as I can make. If I'm going to take my mask off, mind's well do it right with a nice web layout and improved content instead of what's been the bare minimum graphics and private journal type entries. So I will be getting an official .com soon. Since I know next to nothing about web design, obviously I will need to get someone to help. That someone will mostly probably be the first to read these ramblings other than this girl, who too has walked a long road. And then the website will be made and optimized... and through this process more and more people will come to find out that this blog exists.
So this is my plea to the world as I go public - as in public to friends and friends of friends and family will now get to see instead of the vast internet so populated with blogs that one more anonymous one really doesn't show up:
Please don't judge too swiftly when you get your first glimpse into my life. Don't let the peek so deep inside me make you question everything I am. I promise I am still me. I seek in both my daily life and on this blog to be honest and real. The only difference is now you will get to see the two spheres meet - my outward actions and the inward heart from which they spring. You will now get to see the inward struggles that produce the transformation that results in the outward change. You think I am sweet or stupid or struggling or kind... well I still am.
Only now you get to see why. I want you to see my inward struggles and not just my outward attitude. Not because it's comfortable. Not because I like attention. God knows I'd almost rather stay in this shell forever if it was left up to me. But because if my realness and vulnerability can allow God's message of love and hope to reach one person, it will all be worth it. If you can see His hand of mercy and love through my darkest deepest struggle, it will be worth it. It will be more than worth it. That is why I'm pushing through with this even though it's impossible.
Love to all! - Elle
