"Why me? Why us, God?" - When it all falls apart

"You may think that I'm just fine. 
How could anything ever be out of line?
I take my time to set the stage
Make sure everything's in place.
Even though I've got the lines rehearsed
A picture only paints a thousand words." -  "Behind the Scenes"

Sometimes it's so weird.... the very idea of a dream dying is so painful it becomes unthinkable. I force myself to think of it, to come to grips with it, because I fear not coming to grips with it. It's as though in this painful, mixed up, unpredictable world I have a great need to know what my reaction will be. As if I think what I should say or do enough times it will actually turn out.

Funny how a girl like me should have so much trouble facing the dying of a dream. Me, that stared death in the eye so many times. That has seen the finger of mortality touch those I love best exposing the physical weakness of the strongest soul.

I'm even warned that this dream is going to die unless there's some major miracle.

And I keep forcing myself to think through what I'll do when it all falls apart finally.

Oddly enough it is oftentimes here where we are left on the precipice that saw or is to see the demise of our low no matter how high mortal dream that we grow angry with God. Oh how many times have I been guilty of this! How incredible, when one steps back and thinks about it, it is to shake one's fist at and question the One Great Almighty. The One Who, unlike us, is not limited by time, space, circumstance, bias, selfishness, and impure motives. He alone knows what was in eternity past. He alone knows what time will span. He alone can see eternity future. Only God our Savior can care deeply enough to have planned our lives without an ounce of impure intention.

Bowed down, humbled at this thought I can face the very possible demise of my beautiful dream better. I am still an artist who feels the torture of seeing one's chief work, so many cherished hopes of great things centered on burned before one's eyes. I am as yet not fully transformed though by and by I shall be thanks to the Master Artist. That is the hope, the stay, the reward - in short the reason to keep plodding even on the most miserable days. Knowing I am a part of His work, the greatest Artist's piece, is enough. I am His masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10). And that my friends, fills me with hope.

Well the demise of my dream did not come today after all. It was instead another piece of news. So unexpected in fact my mind is reeling and my soul even more so. No doubt it will make it's way onto this blog as well once I have regained enough ability to think if only rambling trails in the hope of making sense of it.

But even still, or rather because of it, I see how powerful, big, and omniscient God is and I am humbled and repentant for ever asking, "Why God, why me, why us?"